


RECURVED SNARING DEVICE

by Broba



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Homestuck - Freeform, Homestuck Kink Meme, I REGRET NOTHING, Other, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 04:13:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broba/pseuds/Broba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kinkmeme prompt- which stated among other things "I saw a prompt for Signless/Summoner earlier on in this meme and holy crap, how did I not realise what an amazing pairing this would be until now?"</p>
<p>So! Signless and Summoner, and there will be others too. As soon as I saw the prompt this popped into my head and it is either PERF or TERRIBAD, I don't know what will happen!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Karkat stared blankly at a flickering candle, as it gradually guttered, hissed and extinguished. He heaved out a sigh and sat up. That was the last of them, all seven candles had gone out. If there was the remotest chance that this wriggling day would be any different to the last, or the one before, or any of them then it was gone with the last of the candles. If his revered ancestor was going to turn up and wish him a happy wriggling day, and make a big thing out of it just like Karkat always insisted he didn't really want, then it would have happened by now. He pushed the cake away and sighed again. Every year it hurt a little less when his ancestor inevitably had to put Karkat's wriggling day celebration to one side in order to deal with some urgent business matte or other.  
  
Of course, Karkat knew objectively that he had to be thankful for what he got, really. There had been a time when no troll knew their own ancestry at all, he had read all about it. He knew that he was fortunate to have an ancestor in his life, as many still hewed to the old ways and ignored their genetic progeny entirely. There was a violent clattering behind him as his lusus forced its' way into the room. He reached up as a comforting chitinous white claw patted him on the shoulder, and well-meaning mandibles of death clacked and chattered a comforting rhythm.  
“It's okay,” said Karkat, “I don't really care, I know he has more important things to be dealing with.”  
The chattering came again, this time with an accusing note.  
“I know, he told me he'd be here too.” Karkat shrugged, “something big came up I guess.”  
  
Outside, a lone figure darted frantically through the low-perigee snows that blanketed the city. He panted hoarsely and sent gouts of cloudy steam up into the air, catching his breath before struggling on up the steps to the hive. He was greeted at the portal by an exceptionally angry crab-lusus that chittered madly at him, waving chitinous implements of maiming around in the air frantically.  
“I'm sorry!” He gasped, “I know I'm late, but there was an emergency in the office-”  
The crab-lusus just made a desultory gesture and turned away pointedly.  
“Oh come on, it wasn't my fault! The whole third-quarter results were up, and the contract for-”  
The crab-lusus indicated with an armoured shrug that it didn't care, and just held a claw aloft to indicate the ascending staircase. The adult patted it on the back.  
“Is he still up? I'll go and say hello.”  
  
The crab-lusus turned sharply and began chittering angrily with much gesticulation. Despite the language barrier, the man knew that he was being castigated most thoroughly for his casual attitude towards his descendant, who looked up to him. They remonstrated back and forth in this manner for some time, and would have gone on doing so if they had not been interrupted by an enormous crash from upstairs. The man looked up sharply.  
“What was that? Come on!”  
They piled up the stairs with an enormous groan of timbers beneath the weight of two feet and an assortment of armoured pseudopalps. The door to Karkat's room was fastened tightly shut, but yielded to a massive crab-shoulder with a crash. When they burst in the room was silent- completely devoid of life, and the large bay windows were open admitting the cold night air and throwing the bleak emptiness into sharp relief.  
“Ka... Karkat? Karkat!”  
But the young troll was gone, spirited away into the night.  
  
When the legislacerators turned up in response to the emergency call they made a perfunctory inspection of the hive, before the chief sergeant announced what everyone already knew.  
“Well. There's no one here now.”  
“I know!”  
“I apologise sir, but I must record all the details for the report. You say there was no one else in the hive at the time of the disappearance?”  
“No one, only Karkat, his lusus and myself.”  
“Very well. Please sign your name here, sir.”  
The sergeant held out a report, tersely written in short, dense sentences. It was a simple summation of the facts- a young troll stolen away in the night, no direct witnesses, no motive, no clues to speak of. Reading between the lines, it was as good as an admission of defeat. Another mystery, file the report away, nothing more to be said. The man took up the offered pen and signed his name- Nulsin Vantas.  
“Will you contact me as soon as you know anything?” Nulsin asked.  
“Yes. As soon as we know anything, sir.” With the unstated addendum- we are not going to know anything on this one. The case is closed already.  
  
When the legislacerators left, Nulsin collapsed onto a stair, holding his head in his hands. The crab-lusus approached bearing a grey blanket between its' fearsome claws and draped it awkwardly over Nulsin's head. He looked up miserably from beneath the makeshift hood and patted the offered claw.  
“I'm sorry. I should have been here.”  
The claw clacked gently. Nulsin sighed and got to his feet.  
“I'm going to get some sleep. Tomorrow... I don't know. I'm going to be out searching, first thing.”  
He had no other idea what to do. He could call on legal experts, perhaps. Force the legislacerators to do something- anything. Yes, that was where he was best. He could bring his legal expertise to bear on the problem. For what it was worth, it was all he could do. When Nulsin trudged to his room, he was bowed and hunched over weakly.  
  
The moons spiralled through the air towards dawn. The stars twinkled. In a haze, Nulsin realised that he had dozed off on the floor of Karkat's room. He had hunched up in the corner under his blanket, and he must have drifted away. It was the stress, naturally, he decided. Staring out of the window, still left wide open, he shivered against the cool air and tugged the blanket closer around his shoulders. A particular star in the night's sky was twinkling irritably, as if at him personally. He stared dully out of the window, heedless, unwilling even to get up. That star was unlike the others, it had a ruddy, sparkling quality to it. With a frown, Nulsin realised that the star was in fact something other then a celestial body, it was a bright point of light that was darting and weaving through the air- and coming closer.  
  
Nulsin frowned and slowly drew up to his knees. The light was definitely approaching, it was less like a star then like a firefly, darting and weaving about- and suddenly it was right there, in the room with him. Something impossibly bright and impossibly red had come in through the window and orbited him in a glowing gyre that left him dizzy.  
“What is this?” He yelled.  
“I'm not a this!” The voice came form the centre of the glowing spot whizzing around him, “I'm a she!”  
“Who are you?” Now he was frightened.  
“Oh, you can't have forgotten so soon, have you?”  
“Forgotten what?”  
“Who you are, silly!”  
“I'm Nulsin Vantas, and let me tell you there will be very... very! Severe! Legal consequences if this nonsense doesn't end right now!”  
  
Suddenly it- that bright, impossible red light- was directly in front of him. He could see that in fact it was a person, a tiny flickering and glowing person who had vividly glowing wings that fluttered madly. It darted close to him, very close to his nose, and he saw trhatit was a female form, a troll girl in fact. He caught a glimpse of curling ram-like horns as she darted in with an apologetic smile to headbutt him into absolute unconsciousness.  
  
“I'm sorry!” Announced Aradia, as she gathered the grey sheets together around the unconscious form of Nulsin Vantas, “but I don't have time to explain it all to you!”  
Nulsin groaned pitifully as he was carefully and firmly bound up like a wiggler in sheets. He saw the glowing point of light above him strain against his weigh, and he realised that he was suspended beneath the strange little beast. He was being carried away- and as he drifted through the window, borne aloft by the power of special fairy dust, he moaned pitifully.  
“Where are we going?”  
“Silly!” Aradia chuckled, “we're going to get your child!”  
“My Karkat,” he moaned, “wait, wait!”  
“No time to wait, Signless! We have a long way to go before morning.”  
His head still throbbed maddeningly, “where are we going?”  
“Where else, silly? Neverland!”


	2. Chapter 2

The port town of Pirate's Cove was throbbing with the muted roar of the coming day, as the sun's last gleaming crested the waves. Torches were lit, and candles and lanterns, wax-filled bowls, oil pots and burning brands. The town was lit up along every narrow winding thoroughfare between yawning buildings made of shabby clap-board. They were ever threatening to collapse against each other as they leant over the streets, and the crowds surging below stomped along dirt paths with occasional duckboard and timbers to make up the road.  
  
Aradia descended, a glittering little star scarcely noticeable over the rising sparks of a thousand cookfires. She dumped the blanket-bound burden she carried into a trash pile behind a smoky tavern overflowing with saucy nautical wenches. Nulsin sat up with a moan and rubbed at his back and side where he had fallen awkwardly against a pile of mouldering cabbages.  
“What happened? Where are we?”  
“Hush and be still!” Aradia buzzed around on her tiny wings, scouting out the corners of the deserted alley they found themselves in, “you don't want to be caught!”  
“Caught by who?”  
“Here, take a look!”  
  
She led him to a picket fence where he crouched down and peered through the slats at the passers-by. They were dressed in anachronistic clothing of ages past, in pantaloons and doublets, in greatcoats and great frilled vests. Each and every person he saw was also, to his horror, heavily armed with various pistols cutlasses daggers and rapiers in evidence.  
“Wha-” Nulsin gasped, “what's going on? Where is this, who are all these people?”  
“Pirate's Cove,” said Aradia grimly, beside his ear, “and you're looking at the inhabitants who give it that name. Each and every one of them a vicious, hateful killer! That's why I most sincerely advise you to keep quiet!”  
Nulsin gulped, “I'll keep quiet now.”  
“That's better. We need a disguise- there, look!”  
  
A shambling drunk had collapsed against the wall of the neighbouring building, nearby to where the gate of the picket fence let out onto the street. At Aradia's urging Nulsin darted a hand out to drag the man behind cover, and when Nulsin stepped out onto the street he was shrouded in a thick long cloak with a scarf around his face for good measure. He had a stolen tricorn hat, and Aradia nestled in the crown, peeking out from behind the upward curving brim.  
“All right, you have to head towards the water, go!”  
“Where are we going?”  
“Shut up! And try to look mean.” Aradia stamped her little foot on top of Nulsin's head, “frown! Glare! And try to leer!”  
Nulsin grimaced as ferociously as he could, adopting a peculiarly constipated expression, but he knew that he was no pirate. He huddled his cloak around him to keep from shivering and tried to avoid every accusing look as they went.  
“I don't understand!” Nulsin hissed, “just where are we going? What's happening here? And what does this have to do with Karkat?”  
“What do you think?” Aradia stamped again, “we're here to rescue him! I hope you're ready to fight.”  
“Fight? What, you mean, actually fight someone? Punching and suchlike?”  
“No, silly!”  
“Ah, good,”  
“You'll need a sword.”  
Nulsin nearly swallowed his tongue.  
  
Nulsin found himself guided by the constant haranguing and stamping tiny feet of Aradia toward the quay, where rested at berth an enormous three masted caravel, with lateen-rigged mizzenmasts, a high beak producing a fo’c’sle that itself bore an enormous figurehead carved to resemble the torso and grinning countenance of a skeleton lashed to the foremast. She had sides bristling with cannon-bays and flew a black standard that snapped viciously in the harsh sea breeze. As Nulsin approached, he found himself buffeted about by thickening crows as it seemed more and more of the pirates streamed toward that same vessel. As they went, they shouted and congratulated one another, exchanging throaty pirate curses and gleefully wicked greetings, slapping and clapping, stamping their feet and raising up their voices. At first a pure din, Nulsin began to pick out words in concert as the pirates started chanting in time. The crowd, at first a meaningless surging mass, was now becoming a long, sinuous winding thing like a snake working its way through the streets with ruthless purpose and Nulsin was caught right in it's belly. At the head of the surging crowd of pirates he could, just about, see a red velvet cushion being held aloft on which something bright and silver and sharp glinted. The bearer held that cushion high aloft, pushing it up in time to the rising chanting of the men and a single voice- a reedy throaty, wicked  voice, called out from ahead to lead the men. As he called out they answered him as one in a wild pirate yell.  
  
“Heart as cold an' hard as ice!” He called out.  
 _“Here's the recurved snaring device!”_ They sang.  
“Strings 'em up an' flogs em' twice!”  
 _“Here's the recurved snaring device!”_  
“Mad as a shark an' half as nice!”  
 _“Here's the recurved snaring device!”_  
“Cut out yer guts on a roll of the dice!”  
 _“Here's the recurved snaring device!”_  
  
The men tramped their way inexorably up the wide oaken gangplank up onto the caravel and Nulsin was carried along with them, he did his best not to whimper at the sight of the steel-black sea lapping languidly below. The pirates boarded their ship with an ear-splitting cheer as the cushion was borne up to the high aft castle. The capering and gambolling figure bearing the cushion was rotund and ill-shaven, with tiny round glasses perched on his nose and an inordinate amount of plumage in his pirate hat. As he danced his way up to the cabin he paused and turned, showing off for the men who cheered wildly. He opened the door to the aft castle and stepped in, and as the door slammed shut the men as one went silent and waited anxiously. Not a man-jack of them let out a breath as they waited patiently. The door opened again, quietly this time, and that same man stepped out. He held his hands aloft for a moment, although the crowd could not have been any more quiet. He then lifted a copper cone to his lips that amplified his reedy voice.  
“Good evenin' Neverland!”  
“Good evenin', Mister Smee!” The crowd of pirates roared back at him.  
“Is you ready? Cause here come's yer captain- back from a darin' and bold adventure, here to address yer all- the one-handed wonder, the nautical nightmare, the- dare I say it- the most bold an' fearless pirate wot ever done stuck a blade through a man's 'art-”  
  
Nulsin worked his way up on tiptoes, straining to see over the heads of the gathered crew.  
  
“The Marquise! Captain! Mindfang! Spin-ner-ret!”  
The crowd went berserk as a tall figure emerged from the cabin, she wore a wide-brimmed hat pinned up at front and back, surmounted with an enormous sky-blue plume. Her coat was brocaded with silver threat and gleamed in the torchlight. The rapier at her side was basket-hilted in silver as well, and hung from a wide leather baldric that was hung with ribboned powder-charges and there was an enormous pistol jammed into her belt. Her boots were incongruously bright scarlet, with stacked steel-backed heels and when she lifted her hands in acknowledgement of her baying, crowing, wildly applauding men one hand was missing- replaced with the wicked iron hook that Smee had brought in to her. That same worthy turned proudly to his captain and bowed.  
“Y'see how they loves yer, captain?”  
“Yes,” she replied through gritted teeth, “mewling sycophantic scum, how I loathe them.”  
Putting a falsely affectionate smile on her face she struck a pose at the head of the stair, one boot up rakishly while the hook dug into the wood of the toprail.  
“Thank you, thank you,” she held up her good hand, looking out over them with the eye that was not nestled behind an ornate embroidered velvet eyepatch as the other was. The men gradually subsided to listen, as their captain paced the top deck and addressed them. Her voice was clipped and well-cultured, yet powerful enough to carry easily, a voice well-suited to command and well-accustomed to obedience.  
“Well my putrid sacks of worthless grubwastes,” she began, to laughs from below, “revenge... is mine.”  
That got them cheering again, and crying out her name. She allowed this, letting them get out their exuberance, before holding out her hand for quiet again.  
“Yes, revenge! I'm very proud to announce to you all that at long last the time for revenge has come. Now I know, friends... dear friends... how hard it has been for you.” She prowled back and forth across her deck with a smile like a hungry barracuda, “I know what ye've been saying among yourselves. That the captain be mad! That she be on a hopeless quest for vengeance, keeping you all looked up tight in harbour chasing after some dream, while every jack-tar among you wants to be out there on the main seizin' his fair share of booty from the easy pickings of a merchantman barque!”  
There was a chorus from below of denial.  
“No!”  
“Never captain!”  
“We're with you, captain!”  
She was grinning still, but her eye cast over the men, looking deep into the heart and soul of them, and their protestations were nervous.  
“I know,” she said, “I know. You've waited patiently for your captain, but now that wait... is over! Because I! Have! His! Child!” With each exclamation the hook came down, biting into the rail and the men cheered all the more violently. The men roared and yelled, and the decks thundered with stamping feet.  
  
When Mindfang spoke again, it was with such low malevolence that her words were almost lost in the din.  
“And who didn't believe I could do it?”  
The men went deathly quiet.  
“When I went to the other world and snatched away his child, aye with one good hand and this sharp fellow here to help me,” she waved the hook and there were scattered cries of acclamation, “who thought I couldn't do it? Who thought it beyond the wit of your good Captain Mindfang? Who isn't with me? Who doesn't belong?”  
The men were glancing worriedly to each other and shuffling about now, none of them willing to meet the baleful glare of the captain. She stomped her way down to them and the crowd parted instantly. Toward the front of the ship, behind the pirate crew, Nulsin cringed back and tried to look as small and insignificant as possible.  
“I will find you! I will sniff you out! You!” She held out the hook, following behind it as she strode forward, “you!”  
She smacked one man aside carelessly, dragged another out of the way with her hook, “not you- no,” she strode forwards and now the men were practically diving over each other to get out of her way, “not you.... _you!”_  
  
Nulsin found himself confronted by the terrifying dread presence of the hookhanded captain and readied himself for a quick and violent death, squeezing his eyes closed, as she reached out with that vicious hook and snagged it through the shirtfront of the man stood next to him, dragging the pirate forward.  
“Yes... you.”  
“N-no captain, not I!”  
“You bet against me!”  
“Never!”  
“You bet that I'd not make it back!”  
“I wouldn't!”  
Mindfang glared with her one good eye, boring mercilessly into the crumpling face of the bedraggled pirate squirming on her hook.  
“You did, didn't you. Come along. Tell yer captain.”  
That did it. The man sagged and his face dropped, he sobbed and nodded.  
“I- I did,”  
“Yes, you did, didn't you.” She grinned, “you made a boo.”  
“C-captain,”  
She released him, and turned to the men, who by now had gathered like jackals scenting blood.  
“The boo box.”  
“No!” He screamed futilely as the pirates seized up their hapless victim and carried him across the deck, to where a wide heavy iron-banded chest awaited. The man was tossed within and the box fastened shut, and then without warning it was winched aloft by a cable at the end of a davit that swung out over the water.  
“I am merciful,” she called out in gracious tones, “just five minutes in the box will be enough, I think.”  
The men whooped and yelled in approval, and the box was winched directly down into the water where it sank instantly on the end of its' line.  
“Five minutes and haul him up, mark ye lads!” She smirked, “never let it be said I am not a captain of my word. And now to the main matter of the day! Bring up the cargo!”  
  
From deep within the hold of the ship, through a wide square hatch in the deck, there was hoisted up a cargo net containing only Karkat, who struggled fitfully.  
“What the fuck is all this fuckery!” Karkat yelled, “let me go or I'll go fucking shithive maggots I'm not even kidding!”  
Mindfang turned from where she had been observing the downward progress of the boo box from the rail and smiled.  
“Hello, young Karkat. Feeling snug? I do hope the accommodations have met with your approval.”  
“Who's that douche bag?” Karkat snarled, kicking fitfully against the net, “let me out!”  
She gestured and the cargo net was brought out over the deck.  
“Well! In case my reputation does not speak for itself, let me introduce myself. The Marquise, Captain Mindfang Spinneret, at your good service sir. You find yourself a prisoner alas, nonetheless I am your humble servant while you sail aboard my ship, the Jolly Octohedron.”  
Karkat went quiet, staring out balefully from his net. He cringed back as he got a good look at the multifarious rogues gathered around him.  
“What's going on here?”  
Mindfang approached to inches of the net, staring at the ensnared boy like the proverbial spider with her prey.  
“Simple, m'boy! The simplest and most noble of obligations, that of vengeance. I mean to have my satisfaction upon your ancestor, who slighted me most bitterly. To that end, I am your ancestors  destruction, and you are the bait that shall-”  
  
“No!”  
The shout came from behind them, and both Karkat and Mindfang looked sharply to see Nulsin shoulder his way past bemused pirates, flinging his hat and an irate Aradia aside as one.  
“I demand you stop this immediately!”  
Karkat blinked, “you came?”  
“Who is this?” Mindfang demanded, and Smee scampered up to examine Nulsin closely.  
“Well, this is 'im, captain.”  
“This?” Mindfang said it with combined disgust and alarm, indicating Nulsin with her hook, “this is him?”  
“Yes captain!”  
“No!”  
“I'm tellin' yer, this is im!”  
“I can assure you,” Nulsin said nervously, “I have no idea what any of this is about and there has been some kind of terrible mistake!”  
“Aye, a terrible mistake indeed,” growled Mindfang, “you're not a shadow of the Signless.”  
“Who are you talking about? I just want to get my descendant back, and we'll be out of your hair. I'm sure we can make a deal, here.”  
“A deal?” Mindfang spat, “you come here, aboard the deck of the very Jolly Octagon, the territory of the most feared pirate to ever sail these seas, and speak to me of making deals sir? I tell you I am here for blood! I want my blood, I want my vengeance, and I want my war!”  
  
Smee plucked a little knife from his belt, “I'll settle this once an' fer all, look see-”  
He flicked it lightly across Nulsin's arm, drawing a seam of vividly bright red blood from the shallow cut, and all at once the entire vessel was plunged into a shocked silence. Mindfang grabbed his hand and yanked Nulsin close, examining the wound carefully.  
“By my iron hand, it be the red blood!”  
Nulsin sniffed, “that hurt! And I'll have you know that the colour of my blood is no-one's business but my own, I'll thank you to-”  
“Signless?” Mindfang drew herself up slowly, staring at him in surprise, “is it really you, my proud enemy?”  
“I, ow that really hurt, I told you- my name is Nulsin Vantas and I can assure you that if you do not let us leave immediately, you madam will be on the end of a very- very! Ah, severely worded subpoena.”  
“Nulsin,” she mused, “Signless. Very well, I suppose it will have to do, even if it be a watery-kneed sack of warmed-over fish gizzards. Vengeance is mine sir,”  she drew her rapier suddenly and saluted him, “I will now kill you.”  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Nulsin quailed visibly as Mindfang prepared to deliver the killing blow with her deadly rapier, when suddenly Aradia hovered in between them, sparkling and flashing vividly. Mindfang's blade was met by Aradia's minuscule dagger, with an audible “tink.”  
“Hold on just a minute, Mindfang!”  
“Odd's bodkins! A flea!  A flickery firefly! I'll kill this milksop and make a pretty lantern of your own hide, madam!”  
“Is that really what you want?”  
Mindfang hesitated, and Aradia grinned up at her with bravado.  
“Speak on, fairy-flea,” she said, in a low menacing growl.  
“The great Marquise, Captain Mindfang Spinnaret, reduced to slaying a defenceless enemy like this- bad form, isn't it?”  
“It's not how I hoped it would be,” she sighed, “that's true enough.”  
“Where's the drama? Where's the spectacle?”  
“Don't rub it in!”  
“He doesn't remember anything, he's been away from Neverland too long- but give me a week to remind him, and then you can have the duel you deserve!”  
Mindfang narrowed her eye suspiciously, but Aradia could tell that she had hooked the captain's curiosity.  
“A week? I'll give you a day!”  
“Five days!”  
“Two, and I'm being more'n my usual generous self!”  
“Three days and not an hour less!”  
“Naturally I'll be keepin' the boy as hostage...”  
“Unharmed?”  
Mindfang put up her blade and nodded graciously, her plumed hat swaying, “I so swear- you have three days and I'll not harm a hair on the boy's head. But be sure to return here at the appointed hour or I'll bring down the very wrath of heaven on your precious Neverland!”  
Aradia reached out, and clasped the captain's offered hook, and they shook solemnly on their bargain.  
  
Mindfang turned, raising her arms dramatically.  
“Three days, me buckos, and then it's time for the war!”  
The men erupted in cheers for their glorious captain, and the mood of revelry was back again immediately. Mindfang clapped Nulsin on the shoulder in a jovial, friendly manner.  
“I'll be seeing you in three days, m'dear Signless. I look forward to killing you with great relish!”  
“I told you!” Nulsin wailed, “I have no idea who you are talking about!”  
“Yes, yes, very fascinatin'. Anyway! Until we meet again. Lads! Show our guests off m'ship!”  
Nulsin found himself seized by dozens of sweaty grimy hands and manhandled all of the way off the side of the ship, screeching bitterly as he was dumped into the dock. As he spluttered and struggled to the surface he saw the great iron-bound chest being hauled up again, water gushing from the gaps in the wood. There was no sound from the box as it was winched aboard.  
  
He had to paddle his way to shore as best he was able, with Aradia fluttering about excitedly all of the way shouting out encouragement. As Nulsin heaved himself out of the water onto the dock of Pirate's Cove she was orbiting his head merrily.  
“Come on! We have to get to the forest!”  
“B-but Karkat-!”  
“Oh, you'd like to take up a sword and rush the Jolly Octohedron, would you?”  
“I believe that madwoman was about to kill me!”  
“Oh yes, most assuredly Signless! She is one of your greatest enemies!”  
“That's not my name! And! I have more enemies now?!”  
Aradia sighed heavily, it was adorable coming from her tiny frame, “come along. I'll tell you the story on the way to the jungle.”  
“I'm certainly not going into any jungle!”  
  
Later, and they were making their way through the dense foliage of the Neverland jungle. Aradia led the way and provided adequate illumination, and Nulsin followed, bitterly complaining and lamenting the entire way.  
“This is ridiculous! The whole thing makes no sense at all. I would have remembered if I'd ever been here before!”  
“Oh, but you do not, Signless! When you chose to leave Neverland, you left behind your memories.  That's why we need to find them again.”  
“And who even is this Signless person?”  
“Argh! You aren't listening. You're The Signless, you're a bold rebel and fearless leader! I was hoping that seeing Mindfang would jog your memory. This is very frustrating.”  
Nulsin paused, frowning, “wait a moment. What exactly were you hoping I would do on that ship anyway?”  
Aradia span around and around in a circle, waving her little dagger about, “snatch up a sword! Slay Mindfang! Rescue your descendant and fight your way to freedom!”  
Nulsin stopped, leaning against a tree and catching his breath. “Seriously?”  
“Well. It was worth a try.”  
“Oh great. That's just great! I'm stuck in this stupid jungle with a psychotic fairy, I have crazy people with swords who want to kill me, and I'm no closer to getting Karkat back! That's just wonderful it really is! Tell me, do you have any other great plans or should I just bash my head in with a rock right now?”  
Aradia just hovered, looking about warily and entirely missing the irony, “yes, I have a plan. But I thought we'd already be captured by now.”  
“Captured? Captured by who?”  
The bushes and trees and long grasses around them suddenly exploded in a flurry of movement, and the pair found themselves surrounded by a ring of swords, knives, daggers and assorted spear-points. Nulsin gulped and raised his hands in surrender.  
“Aradia, please do me a favour and stop planning things?”  
  
Hours later, and Karkat found himself in drastically changed circumstances. He was sat on a stool in the captain's cabin while Smee busied himself attending to the boy, fussing over him with a comb to try and bring some kind of order to Karkat's unruly mop of hair.  
“Fuck! Leave me alone!”  
“Now now young master, you need to look your best for the captain, it's bad form to turn up to dinner in a shabby state- bad form indeed young sir!”  
“I don't fucking care!”  
Smee stood in front of the boy and grinned wryly.  
“Listen. You know wot happened to the last little shaver who showed bad form to the captain?”  
“Yeah? What?”  
“The boo box.”  
“The boo box?”  
“Aye.”  
“Gimme that comb...”  
  
Mindfang exploded into her cabin, to meet the waiting Karkat who glowered from beneath roughly parted and reasonably neatened hair. The captain had a way of entering a room, she always seemed to arrive dramatically and leaving no doubt at all as to who was in charge. She swaggered across the floorboards to the enormous chair behind her desk, and snapped her fingers imperiously. Smee dutifully cleared away the mess of navigation charts and callipers there, and in their place deposited a sheaf of documentation. The captain held up her hook, and Smee seized on it- giving an expert twist the hook came free with a metallic click. Smee then replaced it with another attachment that fitted neatly onto the metal stump- this time a metal rod with a tiny brass fist at the end of it that extended one brass finger, to make a pointer. Mindfang traced it across the pages as she read.  
 “Now then let's see what we have here. Mm. Karkat Vantas, doing reasonably well with your studies I see, that's good that's good, and are you making friends?”  
Karkat boggled as the captain read off a précis of his life.  
“What is this? How do you know about me?”  
Smee grinned and passed another set of documents over to the captain, who fitted a thick monocle in her good eye to read them over. The monocle gave her an almost comical raised-brow expression.  
“Ver captain knows all about you, boy,” Smee commented, “so shurrup an' listen.”  
“Yes, yes thank you Smee that will be all.”  
“As y'say, captain.”  
The captain read through these new papers, her tiny little brass pointer finger scanning over the words.  
“Oh, but look what we have here. It says here, Karkat, that your own ancestor never seems to be there when you need him?”  
Karkat flushed, “hey, shut up! He does his best, okay?”  
Mindfang tutted softly and tapped the page. Smee leaned over to look, moving his lips as he read with some difficulty, and he shook his head sadly.  
“S'true captain, says right there in black an' white. Missed his ancestor's wrigglin' day.”  
“Indeed, it touches my heart.” Mindfang sighed and put away her monocle. “Karkat, from what I read here it seems that the Signless has been neglecting you most rudely. Poor form.”  
“Yeah well,” Karkat grunted, “he's been busy.”  
“Busy? Karkat? Ah yes. Busy. Always something that needs to be done, always more work to take up his time.”  
Smee took up the theme, casually dusting off a brass sextant, “always lookin' for somethin' else to be doing.”  
“Always finding a reason to be away,”  
“Always late to everythin'.”  
“That's if he turns up at all.”  
Mindfang looked up at Smee with a sorrowful expression, and Smee shrugged sadly.  
“I- I guess,” Karkat sighed. “So what?”  
“So what? So what, my feisty young buccaneer? Smee! Fetch the brandy, I need a bracing drop!”  
“As y'say sir!” Smee happily withdrew a bottle of looted brandy from a chest of ill-gotten gains and poured out a draught into a stolen sherry glass for the captain, and another into a little glass goblet for Karkat.  
“I'm too young to drink!” Karkat protested.  
“Karkat. You're aboard a ship full of pirates and brigands, and you're worried about the rules? Nonsense! We don't let little things like rules worry us here! Cheers!”  
  
Mindfang drained her glass with a merry gulp and Karkat eyed his own drink warily. It was certainly tempting, and he decided that given the situation he might as well do as he pleased. He sipped at the brandy and made a face, it tasted like electric burning.  
  
“There's a lad!” Mindfang crowed happily, “take yer grog like a pirate!”  
“Good on yer, lad!” Smee grinned amiably.  
“Now that,” Mindfang pointed at Karkat with her little metal pointerfist, “is a man who knows good brandy!”  
“Aye sir, a brass-balled bucko an' no mistake!”  
“A jolly jack-tar!”  
“A rollickin' roustabout!”  
“A four-feathered fine fellow!”  
Mindfang slapped her good hand on the desk and laughed with Smee, raising her miniature brass pointer to her brow in salute at Karkat. He grinned sheepishly in return, a slight flush of pride spreading over his cheeks.  
  
In the forest, Nulsin found himself being marched forcefully, his wrists were bound together and he was prodded sharply in the back with a stick whenever he slowed. His captors were all incredibly young, they were little more then children, and worst of all Aradia seemed to be delighted with the state of affairs.  
“This is perfect,” she trilled, bouncing about in the air, “we'll be there in no time!”  
“Who are these... people!” Nulsin hissed, “we're in real danger here!”  
“Nonsense! The Lost Trolls would never harm the Signless!”  
“That's me! I'm him! I'm that guy, you all hear her?”  
One of the boys prodded him with a stick and Nulsin yelled.  
  
They came to a clearing where yet more of the little rapscallions waited, around the base of a tree who's spreading branches contained the most enormous and intricate treehive that Nulsin had ever seen. Nulsin found himself surrounded once more by heavily armed and apparently bloodthirsty children who chattered and yammered among themselves, mostly arguing about how specifically to deal with their prisoner.  
“Okay,” Nulsin yelled, “you've had your fun! Now- now untie me! And we'll forget about this whole ridiculousness!”  
“Signless! You sound ridiculous!” Aradia buzzed about, and she was right- the youngsters looked far less them impressed.  
“Well what do you recommend, if you're so smart?”  
“Just shut up and keep still, he's coming!”  
“Who's coming?”  
Aradia smirked, “you'll see.”  
  
There was a commotion from up above. Branches swayed and leaves fell as a vague silhouette darted expertly from branch to branch in a daring display of bold acrobatics. The Lost Trolls looked up and started whispering and murmuring to each other excitedly. Nulsin fretted against his bonds and hissed at Aradia.  
“Who's this douche bag?”  
“Quiet!”  
The children yammered and pointed grubby fingers in the air as their leader bounced from branch to branch and leaped to the ground. He was older and taller then they, his hair was brushed back into a sweeping pompadour with vivid twin streaks of red, he had an outfit of ragged leathers and red silks decorated liberally with bones, and the Lost Trolls cried out together as he approached.  
“Ru!” Said one.  
“Fi!” Came the cry.  
“Oh-h-h-h-h!” They all yelled.  
Nulsin flinched as this apparition landed heavily in front of him, grinning madly and flicking out a lethal looking sword. He had enormous horns that surely were a threat to his balance, and there was nothing childlike about the tip of his blade as it touched against Nulsin's chest.  
“Who's this?” Rufio asked.  
Araida sparked angrily, “who else? The Signless of course you silly!”  
“Signless?” Rufio sniggered.  
“Uh.” Nulsin gulped, “that's right. I mean, that's me. So I'm told.”  
“This guy looks like a pirate,” Rufio grinned and the other children closed in threateningly, “and... we kill pirates.”  
  
  



End file.
